What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize