This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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