But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
