there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
