soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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