they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
