May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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