she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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