he wants to bone in the snuggie
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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