Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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