so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
