he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
