You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she told me i tasted like america
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
