Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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