I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
