Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
