is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
