Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
