I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
