I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The uberlube is also flammable
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
