I want to walk on stilts...naked
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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