I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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