we have officially lost it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
