Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
