Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
