It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
