I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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