Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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