were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
