Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
