haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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