I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
