3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
