i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
