I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
