you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
