i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
