Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize