I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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