You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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