$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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