hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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