Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
