omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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