Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
