YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
