Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
