if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
