Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
