Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
