and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
