maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
