What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
