Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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