So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
