paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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