is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
