guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
