I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
