Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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