bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I want is dick and wine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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