the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are all done wearing pants today
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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