I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
