we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
