I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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