she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
