I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
